Ok I wanna do something I haven't done in a while, update and be POSITIVE! OMG!!! Anyways I'm turning over a new leaf I'm in a totally awesome mood I'm in such an awesome mood I don't even care I'm going back to school tomorrow which is stupid cause they had us out all week for the swine flu thing so you'd figure that they would just let us be out for one more day just to finish off the week but nooo. oh well they're dumb anyway and they ain't bringing me down! So for sure I'm taking down all this crap the stuff I have up here its going down to china town!! except not really but seriously I'm taking it down. Its old and horrible and I hate looking at it...the stories I'll keep up just for s*its and giggles. Why? you may ask because I've gotten better and I'm currently working on a way to get my scanner working sufficiently enough so I can use that and not have to take pictures of my newer stuff with my camera and post it on here...which might work out better cause you get the same quality without the worry of seeing all the smudge marks...hmmm.

Anyways I'm totally excited for the rest of this year you guys I'm becomming a senior, I've been happily in a relationship for nearly two years now and the dude's FINALLY comming back from colorado this month and I miss him terribly but what's really turning this year around for me was that I've completely turned over a new leaf with my bff Amber and for those of you who haven't been paying attention we've been haveing some problems. But so u guys aren't all like "Golly Gee Wiz V its about Godd*mn time!" we've been fixed for a while you know me I've just been to lazy to post it anyways and what really makes me feel good is that I feel like I'm becomming really responsible yay! I love growing up!...sometims....well...its ok I guess.

Anyways back on track I'm becomming a whole new me I wanna be chipper...er and more optimistic and less angry because I've been really angry lately but most of all I wanna be cleaner. And I don't mean like better hygene I swear my hygene is fine and I probably totally spelled that word wrong but I don't care cause I'm happy and I got a new computer (oh yeah I don't know if I mentioned that to you guys yet I got a new one and it is SWEET!) any-whoosy-doodle. By cleaner I mean my room which I just finished wiping clean of all my old clothes that I don't want and...wow...there's a lot heh heh. This is why I need to shop more beacause then my clothes will get continually updated so I wont have to go through my closet, clean it out, and then realize I don't have enough clothes to wear cause that's what happened. But now that I've done that I'm going to work on my whole new wardrobe and clean my room allong with cleaning out all the old knick knacks I don't want and stuff then I'm gunna get my hair cut and it'll just be awesome I'll post pictures for those of you who care...which is probably none of you haha cause I know like no one reads these.

Anyways I'm excited to be back in the driver's seat of my life I'm seriously stoked so lets just hope I don't skrew it up, wish me luck guys cause I'm gunna need it!



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And now for a more up to date entry! Now that I finally got something to write about in my head.

So work SUCKED its a freaking Monday people why the hell are you going to academy on a monday!!!! WTF!!! urg I hate customers. This guy brought in his 4 kids FOUR KIDS!!! And they were all little and guess what they decided they wanted to do when their daddy wasn't around. Oh lets tick the hard-working associate off by running around and messing with racks and four-ways and rounders and decide to make our own little homes inside them! Ok lesson to EVERYONE if you have younger sibling, or kids NEVER let them play in the clothes racks and NEVER let them touch ANYTHING unless you're sure they know where it goes and that they will put it back. Serously for those of you who don't have a job and will get them you will soon understand and for those of you who don't care well you should lolz.

Anyways I'm kinda down...I watched Practical Magic yesterday. And for those of you who haven't seen it its a good movie about two sisters who are witches and stuff happens and its all sisterhood bonding-y. (P.S. it stars Sandra Bullock as Sally Owens, and Nichole Kidman and Gillian Owens) Anyways there is one part in that movie that always touches my heart. There's this part where Gillian is running away with some guy and her sister Sally is all down cuase she's all like "you'll be gone and I feel like I'll never see you again" anyways Gillian makes a promise that they'll both die old and grey together on the same day and to re-assure her of this promise she takes a knife and cuts a line on her hand and says "My blood" then cuts an identical line on her sister's same hand and says "Your blood" and grasps her sister's cut hand in her and says "Our blood". It's just a big binding moment between the two because you see how they always know what each other are thinking and how each other our feeling. When one sister thinks of her the other is thinking of her too. I was always jealous cause I always wanted to do that with someone, not exactly the cutting of the hand part, actually I'd do that part but I want that bond y'know? I used to have that with someone but...well I don't think that's happening anymore there are a lot of stuff going on and I'm pretty alone out here its really sad. The only one I've got left is my boyfriend and I can't stand that I mean I love being able to tell him everything and all but I want a friend I can do that with too and I only had one and...well everything's changed so much I'm pretty sure its not really the same and its never going to be.

I want a friend that when they call I know that they're upset and the same visa versa, and a friend who'll put up with me the same way I'll put up with her. I want someone that I can tell anything to without feeling ashamed or worried that I'll be judged.

I really wish I could have auditions for this sorta thing ^^ lolz. Naw but seriously you can't just hold auditions for friends like that they come around once in a lifetime and its really sad that mine came around now. I mean I had someone before her...kinda...and well now that I realize what its like to have a friend like that I feel empty without it its really depressing. I can't jsut pick a friend and say your my new best friend, trust and knowledge of each other doesn't come just like that, it came for us but its not comming for me and anyone else sadly. Sigh oh well

Anyways on a different note I'm starting to wonder what I'm going to do when I get older, I'm a big beliver in the craft (witchcraft) not as a devil worship thing though you'd have to talk to me one on one to get my whole idea on this thing cause I don't have time to explain it here. Anyway I wanna actually get into the rhythm of practicing it, the craft is something you have to keep practicing, its something you have to devote your life to like otherwise you wont get anything out of it. Well I want to bring my kids out with the option to practice it as well and the oprotunity to teach them and if I stick with my current boyfriend well that idea will go down the tube. I mean I truely love him with all my heart but I worry that he wont completely except me for who I am especially this part of me, he's pretty hardcore christian. On top of that he hates tattoos and unforntunately for him I kinda want one...well not kinda I really want one I'm just trying to figure out what he heck I'm gunna get when I get it. Ugh I don't know what I'm going to do, either I have to become tighter or he has to become looser and I know I'm way to stubborn for that sigh. again

Well lets all just hope for the best I mean it could be worse right? Ha ha I love how I spill my guts to you guys its so much easier to be open on the internet cause chances are you'll never see the people on it yay for long disntance relationships. Lol sorta. Anyways thanks for letting me vent guys if you wanna comment that's awesome if not thats cool to its all good I'm gunna hop off cause I got a foot bath calling my name yay!

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Hey guys I'm glad to finally be back online and be rid of that god-forsaken journal entry. I'm going to actually try and get back into the swing of things on here which would be really nice especially with new people faving my stuff and junk.

oh which reminds me, what with all these people faving my old junk I'm starting to think I should pick them back up again...eh I will eventually. What I really want to do is put up some of my new stuff I've been coloring lately its kinda cool well not on photoshop only with colored pencils and I'm not great or anything but hey its a start! I just need to figure out how to get a scanner to work yay scanner! Maybe I'll ask for one for christmas....eh.

Ugh Valentines day = pain. I didn't do anything sure my bf was back in town for it but we did nothing I mean it was awesome to see him again I'm not complaining buuuut I ended up screwing up the cake I made him for V-day...a lot >_< I forgot to add vanilla how stupid am I? I was soooo upset but it still tasted ok and I hadn't baked all of the batter yet (I put some in 4 heart shaped containers and was going to re-use those until I realized it would take to long) so I just added vanilla into the rest of the batter and it was all okay-fine...sorta. Looking at it now it was kinda funny though

Oh did I mention I got a job? Yeah...I work at a freaken sporting goods store how funny is that? I don't do sports and I work at a sporting goods store...which reminds me I gotta work today at 6...its 5:15...ewwww >_<. Any-hoosey-doodle seeing as how I got work soon I shoul probably wrap this up, to whoever wants to read this thanks and whoever doesn't whatevs and...well I really really gotta get rid of my old drawings on here don't I? I'll work on that too but only for you guys ^^ *pinches cheeks of random reader* anyways I'll update agian...maybe....eventually lolz u guys know me sayonara!

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I figured I better type up another one of thies I mean I've had up that last one since August and as much as I love and miss Xavier I know he'd want me to move on and take that darn thing off the site. Just because I've been kinda dead on the site doesn't mean I still can't update every once in a while eh?

Anyways so hows everyone doing? Good...Good. I might end up taking some of my stuff down off here, like the stories, because lately I can't write anything....cause....I dunno....whatever I think its officially been proven that I wont be a writer anytime soon. Sad ne? Anyways school started up like...a LOOOOOOONG while back I figured I would've had a little back to school thing but I guess its a big fat N-Os but that's ok, not like anyone wanted to hear my back to school rant anyway.

Oh I'm happy I gots myself a new hoodie (its a nightmare before christmas hoodie yays! Tim Burton ish teh )!!! desu yo! yeah I need to not do that japanglish is not cool...but lately I've just been saying desu yo probably from excitement of actually taking japanese and I'm doing well I'm proud of myself!!! I wish I could stay in that class all day instead of going to my other ones...like swimming....don't get me wrong I'm a swimmer and I love it but....why in the HELL does it have to be during Winter? I mean seriously NO EFFIN SENSE!!! well its mostly during the summer-fall-early winter-ish area but whatever. Oh and I got one of those cool atheletic under armor shirt things, my brother works at Academy yay for discounts. Academy sports and out doors, The right stuff the low price! Academy! such a catchy little jingle...even though its annoying as heck.

I beat Twilight Princess Hurrah for me and Midna is simply adorable I love her!!! She's kawaii as heck and she's soo beautiful y'know at the end and she's all like "I'm a queen!!" And because of that game the pairing of Link and Midna kinda grew on me...but in my mind Link is a manwhore and he kinda goes with whoever, at first I was a Link Zelda fan all the way but y'know there are just so many adorable pairings in that game I really just can't help it.

I'm trying to see if I can go to A-kon this year, this is kinda early for us to be thinking about it normally but I've got a kick-a cosplay idea and I'm dead set on trying to do this. I wanna do an Alice in Wonderland cosplay, wouldn't that be just the cutest I got mad hatter which is funny cause I still imagine the mad hatter as a boy (well cause he is) but I'm a girl and the design I got going for him is so not manish, its kinda that feminine j-rocker ish deal y'know? but not that extravigant.

I recently got a rabbit and at kitten, they're both just precious and they play with each other a lot. The only problem is as much as I love my kitten she craves my attention waaaaaaaaaay to much, she recently learned how to get on my bed which I was trying my best and praying my hardest that she wouldn't so I wouldn't have to risk her pooping in my bed or something. (but luckily she's out of that stage) but now I just have to deal with her comming up on my bed and pawing at my face at night because when she decides that she wants on my bed she wants to play not to sleep, which is the smarter of the two things to want if you ask me.

wells anyways that's my rant for now love u guys

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Heya alls...ness...something or other. Yeahs I've just gotten back from a neat little weekend trip...to see a FUNERAL! YAYS!! lolz no not really yays of course not that'd be terrible. Yeah on the night of Saturday August 4th Xavier Ogdee died, I know weird last name right? Ok well what does this have to do with me since I'm not an Ogdee, well see he was a close family friend and he helped me and my family with a lot of stuff. Mostly Mom because they were good friends and she keped asking him to clean stuff for her lolz. But being a seperated mother (The divorce hasn't been final yet) with three kids on in college and one going into Collge in two years and another going into her second year of high school (hey that's me!!) The little things help a lot. Well I'm happy to say that I no longer feel like a heartless bitch becasue when I first found out I didn't cry, not a tear nope nada I know terrible right? While my mom cried for days. But y'know I didn't know Xavier THAT well I knew him, and I liked him but I didn't like KNOW him y'know? Yeah but I cried my eyes out when we went to see the body, sadly we missed out on the official funeral because they had on Thursday the viewing of the corpse and on Friday was the funeral....we kinda arrived last. Shows what great kinda people we are, but that's ok if I know Xavier he was up in heaven laughing his ass off saying something like "Stupid white bitches missed my funeral," y'know? He was one of those kinda guys that you had to joke about when he was gone because you knew he'd prefer it that way. I mean hell my mom and her two friends that came with us went out to a bar Thursday night (and left me at the hotel me being only 15) and put a picture of him on the pool table and played pool over his face. That must've been amusing. Especially considering their bartender still remembered them, (she was a really pretty girl and we saw her at Chilis the next day when we went to lunch cause she works there too it was kinda neat) Oh and my mom's friend Lisa I swear to god she's like I SWEAR TO GOD SHE IS!!! Like the adult version, and it was so frustrating because she was one of those people who didn't look like an adult yet, she looked like she was a junior in high school MAYBE a senior, it was pretty neat. But she was sooooo blonde well not litterally y'know mind wise. Lolz sorry Jess but you're blonde too in both ways lolz But I had a good time for the most part other then bawling my eyes out. I got to hang out with my mom, we didn't really bonde but we had a good time, and she trusted me alone in a hotel room that was pretty neat. It was kinda like a mini vacation and though we didn't do much it was just one of those things where it felt like it was more then it was, it was nicer then it seemed y'know? But anyway I'm glad I went because then I got the crying out of my system and now I know for sure Xavier really is gone, because he's one of those guys where it just doesn't seem like he'd die, especailly not in a car wreck, it hurt to see his body in the casket...coffin whatever because I just kept expecting him to sit back up and say something like "Baby Girl don't cry over me," or "Gotcha!" or something, y'know? Well someone has to just because this was my first funneral doesn't mean it was anyone else's. What really made me sad was the fact that we didn't get to meet his youngest daughter Athena because he had talked about her and she was just the most beautiful little girl I'd ever seen in my entire life, I saw her I just wasn't allowed to talk to her at all. Her mom didn't like my mom much and so we weren't allowed to associate with her. But my heart went out to that girl that day and I just wanted to go over and hug her so bad, cause she was just the prettiest thing and I could see the resemblance from her father so much and it just hurt so darn bad. But that's ok! I've gotta keep moving and I can't let that get me down! yes...Oh and y'know what also ticked me off. The fact that they gave him a Catholic funeral...I'm sorry that came out wrong I'm catholic...kinda (not hardcore more catholic by birth) but anyways so there is nothing wrong with that I know, but my problem is that he wanted to be cremated and they didn't do that! Apparently Catholics are supposed to look down on Cremation so I have recently discovered. If that's the case then I'm messed up because I want to be burned when I die. Throw my body in the fireplace and roast marshmellows over me for all I care....eww those marshmellows would taste terrible....But anyway I digress my point being I prefer to be very respectful to the dead, because I don't want them comming up and haunting my ass lolz j/k j/k that was bad...but yeah I think they should've had the decency to honor his death wish, I mean weather or not he had it on paper y'know? I say y'know to much...oh well. And no offense to those more religious people out there especially the catholic ones. But after this I have decided that I'm NEVER having a proper Catholic funeral, because at the viewing of the body they went over the rosary and I couldn't take another Hail Mary I swear to God my head was ready to pop, I'm sorry that's a bad thing to say but its true. And overall it was an interesting experience Mom's other friend Lisa (not the blonde one I talked about) I think she's wiccan pretty neat eh? Well I think so. But she gave us some herbs blessed with some wiccan mojo, it was like...a death...thing I don't remember, and it was pretty neat we were supposed to scatter them, and it smelled good too! I was like "Mom lets take a bit of "Xavier" here home and give it to Chase to see what he can make outta the caveman." I know terrible right? But like I said we had to joke about him otherwise Xavier would spit in our eye. By the way Chase = Culinary arts major which is why we'd talk to him and Xavier = hairy so mom called him Caveman. But yeah on the way back home we scattered the last bit of the herbs out the window and shouted "UG UG CAVEMAN!" in his honor. I reckon Xavier's getting his laughs in the afterlife. I just regret not being able to say goodbye but I suppose that's a normal thing for those who've been to a funeral for a loved one. But that's my story and I assure you all those who have left me messages I will answer them. And thank you for your sympathies if I get any

~Your adorable writer chick who could do no wrong
Tobi
As I travel through the vally of death I shall fear no evil...or something cool like that

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